Saturday, January 5, 2008

Zoey Signs Up for Pregnancy 101


Zoey Signs Up For Pregnancy 101
by Chloe Dinnerrolly (Dec. 18, 2007)

There is no better role model than an older sister, and when your big sis happens to be Britney Spears, you're bound for a bright and promisng future, right? Just ask 16-year-old
PREGNANT Jamie-Lynn!

Teen-queen and star of Nickelodeon's Zoey 101 , Jamie Lynn Spears, has got a bun in her barely pre-heated oven. The little one is guilty of pulling a huge jealous-little-sister tantrum; "WHy should Britney get all the attention?! What does she have that I don't have?...Babies!"

Unlike Britney, who didn't start popping them out until she was 23 and married, Jamie-Lynn outdid her big sis by 7 years and got knocked up at 16 to some unknown who doesn't even backup dance. Mama must be proud and Maury Polvich, whose career has been made by exposing teenage baby mama drama, must be ecstatic, since his message is finally reaching America.

Do you KNOW how expensive birth control is? A box of condoms is like, 12 dollars! How do you expect celebrities to have that kind of money? ANd let's not get started on The Pill, not everyone is good with the must-take-everyday routine, especially when they have an ecsatcy habit to keep up with.

If Britney was any example at all to Jamie-Lynn, at least she waited till after The Mickey Mouse Club to whore it out. Jamie-Lynn is still with Nickelodeon. Call me a 90s kid, but I don't remember Clarissa ever getting pregnant. There was never an Clarissa Explains How Babies Are Made episode - even though Sam was practically begging for it, climbing through her bedroom window all the time.

Not even later, with Sabrina The Teenage Witch was there ever a pregnancy scare; although we may never truly know since she could've easily performed an instant-abort with her magical powers. ("You do not do / Goodbye to you!" *points to stomach* ZAP!)

Sadly, it's a new generation; keeping your clothes on is out-of-style. A couple of months ago, one of the stars from Disney's High School Musical, Vanessa Whatsherlastname?, had taken amateur naked photos of herself, only to be later leaked onto the internet. Most likely taken from a friend's digital camera, they weren't even good. The quality was horrible and the posing was eh!

(NOTE: If you're a young starlet anxious to get nude and show the world how much you've grown into a "respectable" woman; WAIT FOR HUGH HEFNER'S PHONECALL! Let the professionals at Playboy magazine take care of ya. There, they can provide hairstylists, makeup artists and photographers that know about good lighting and angles to make your girlie bits look stunning! Cute, yeah? If it ain't Hugh; do not do)

Slutty and/or pregnant teenage girls remind me of high school, they shouldn't remind me of Hollywood too. (Hollywood, CA not Hollywood, FL where ironically, my high school is actually located.)

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