Bear-ly Legal
By Chloe Dinnerrolly (July 29, 2012)
Taking advantage of the weekend sale, a bear wandered inside a Sears department store last Saturday night holding up a shopping list and a bunch of clipped coupons in her paws. She arrived at Pittsburgh Mills Mall to browse the Kardashian Kollection for a new dress tailored specially to cover up her big booty, a honey pot or 2, and a BBQ set for her BF for their anniversary the following week.
There was no need to bribe the Sears salesperson on a good deal with a loud, “Give me 75% off or I bite off your arm!” roar in bear language. Before the bear could make any purchases, pandemonium broke loose and the mall was evacuated in terror. Officials were called and trapped the bear inside 2 automatic doors at the store’s exit where she was ultimately shot with a tranquilizer and taken away.
Society has always discriminated against the animal since Yogi Bear’s pie-stealing-rampage years ago. There are many restricted areas labeled “People Only” where bears cannot trespass without getting attacked. With PETA more concerned over farm animals these days, what’s a bear to do?
Taking advantage of the weekend sale, a bear wandered inside a Sears department store last Saturday night holding up a shopping list and a bunch of clipped coupons in her paws. She arrived at Pittsburgh Mills Mall to browse the Kardashian Kollection for a new dress tailored specially to cover up her big booty, a honey pot or 2, and a BBQ set for her BF for their anniversary the following week.
There was no need to bribe the Sears salesperson on a good deal with a loud, “Give me 75% off or I bite off your arm!” roar in bear language. Before the bear could make any purchases, pandemonium broke loose and the mall was evacuated in terror. Officials were called and trapped the bear inside 2 automatic doors at the store’s exit where she was ultimately shot with a tranquilizer and taken away.
Society has always discriminated against the animal since Yogi Bear’s pie-stealing-rampage years ago. There are many restricted areas labeled “People Only” where bears cannot trespass without getting attacked. With PETA more concerned over farm animals these days, what’s a bear to do?
Charges were not filed but, the Charmin bears are ready to testify in the bear’s defense and call on a boycott on toilet paper sales if necessary.
Boldly going where no bear has gone before, the Sears bear has been honored the Rosa Parks of her species. Her heroic tale is to be made into a movie and sure to blow Ted out of the water. Thank you beary much.
Source
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Boldly going where no bear has gone before, the Sears bear has been honored the Rosa Parks of her species. Her heroic tale is to be made into a movie and sure to blow Ted out of the water. Thank you beary much.
Source
CLICK HERE to like and follow Talk About Pop with Chloe Dinnerrolly on Facebook
