It's Not Delivery, It's A Marriage Proposal

It's Not Delivery, It’s A Marriage Proposal
By Chloe Dinnerrolly (Feb 13, 2012)

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore…

Make it a Valentine’s Day to remember and an engagement story to make all the junk foodies on the couch watching Weekend At Bernie’s jealous with Pizza Hut’s “Dinner Box Proposal Package”. Show your sweetheart how much you love her by getting down on one knee and slowly opening a box revealing a medium pizza with 5 breadsticks, a cup of marinara sauce and 10 cinnamon sticks. Before you can ask, “Will you marry me?”, see your honey jump for joy and scream out, “Yes! Pepperoni, my fave!”

For $10,000, along with the enchanting Pizza Hut dinner, the package also includes a ruby engagement ring, limo service, flowers, a fireworks show, photographer and videographer to capture the magic moment on camera for Pizza Hut’s next commercial and new slogan, “A Slice Of Love Under The Hut”. You may need to work extra shifts at the gas station to come up with the money but with a smoking hot pizza topped with heart-shaped mushrooms, there’s no way a girl can resist.

With grease dripping down into the river of love, nothing brings two people together like a Pizza Hut pizza. The romantic scent of tomato sauce and mozzarella sets the mood for any two lovers. If you’re looking to get lucky with the girl you met at the Laundromat earlier in the evening; leave a trail of sprinkled pepperoni slices leading to your bedroom. With a scantily clad pizza laying in bed and “Let’s Get It On” playing, the humpty hump is bound to happen. That’s a Pizza Hut guarantee.

Give Cupid the day off this Valentine’s Day and hear the wedding bells ring with the Dinner Box Proposal Package. You’ll be picking out rings and his and hers Doritos bags in no time and don’t bother worrying about catering the reception either because Pizza Hut’s got you covered. Beat that Match.com.


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Blue Ivy Inc

Blue Ivy, Inc.
By Chloe Dinnerrolly (Feb. 11, 2012)

Crazy In Love or just plain crazy hip hop superstars and new parents, Beyonce and Jay Z, have filed paperwork to trademark their infant’s name, Blue Ivy. This will make the Carters proud owners of the moniker of their million dollar baby and prevent it from being used by fashion companies, fragrance makers or ever seen on a label of a Crayola crayon.

Putting the “Brand” in their brand new baby, having a child was another business move for the celebrity couple. In the mix of changing diapers, sterilizing bottles and reuniting Destiny’s Child for lullabies, the mogul family has plans of releasing a line of baby products under their daughter’s name. This will include clothing, bibs, carriages, diaper bags and Blue Ivy Butt Paste.

Everything the month old VIP touches, poops and spits up, turns to gold. A loaded diaper would sell for millions on Ebay.

Let’s get real, the fabulous life is expensive; from the mansions in New York, LA, and Miami to his and hers Ferraris to baby’s 1st private jet. The funds need to come from somewhere and that somewhere is Beyonce’s uterus. Just the way baby Blue milks Mama B’s tasty titties at every feeding, Blue Ivy is getting milked herself and is hard at work as the folks’ cash cow. It’s “moo moo” not “goo goo”

The red carpet was rolled out for baby Blue way before her first appearance. Ma and Pa paid to have the maternity floor fully renovated, an army of security to crack down on any non-famous patient in the hospital, and used a decoy of a baked ham in a onesie to mislead the paparazzi waiting outside. Then on January 7th with stage lights shooting across the room and babies from the hospital nursery dressed in sequins as hired backup dancers, Blue Ivy Carter made her grand entrance popping out of Beyonce, crying out, “Can I get a waa waa?”.

With new money rolling in from Blue Ivy’s business, don’t be surprised when Beyonce and Jay Z buy a fully stocked Toys ‘R Us for their princess on Christmas or just because. Mariah, your twins have been challenged.


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