Friday, February 4, 2011

Inmate Lohan Returns (Pre-Production)

Inmate Lohan Returns (Pre-Production)
By Chloe Dinnerrolly (Feb. 4, 2011)

Looks like Lindsay Lohan may need to file as permanent resident to Cell Block C for this year's taxes. After only 6 months since her last release, Lindsay may be heading back to The Slammer On Rodeo and it's not for the catfight that exploded with a Betty Ford staffer in December over a cup of pee.

The once actress turned spinning cyclone of disaster, allegedly did a Winona Ryder and stole a gold necklace worth $2,500. If charged with the, what David Copperfield calls "amateur", disappearing act, Lindsay is in violation of her parole which accounts as a one-way luxury-class ticket back to a cold, dark, VIP jail cell.

Regardless, it will still be nice to see old friends again, like Lindsay's BBF (Behind Bars Friend) Joy, sentenced to life for murder, and the rest of the gang. Nothing wrong with wearing an orange jumpsuit all the time; it saves a bundle on dry-cleaning. It's also not like Lindsay's bothered by handcuffs. She has her own pair kept in her bedroom nightstand that are used frequently. Prison is a ca/oke walk.

Unfortunately, Lindsay's acting career was put to an end before the age of 21. After going nude in the crapper-thriller I Know Who Killed Me back in 2007, Lindsay broke the first rule of the game. Didn't she ever read, Men Are From Mars? Her male fans quickly became bored. ("Yawn. Already saw 'em.") It's not like her talent lies elsewhere and soon the audience lost interest, leaving other ways for Lindsay to make the covers of magazines again.

The daughter Mickey Rourke never had and a chick Charlie Sheen never banged, Lindsay wears the label of "Hollywood's Bad Girl" like a Dior last season slightly-stained cocktail dress. Lindsay does what it takes to stay in the limelight, even if that calls for 8 glasses of vodka, a few swipes of cocaine and the bad dancing in the music video for Rumors. (Better leave that to Beyonce, baby girl) With each arrest is another new career move that gets everyone talking, from Ryan Seacrest to Dr. Drew to Bob Harper from The Biggest Loser.

Like most child stars, the parents hold part of the blame for Lilo's reckless and Amy Winehouse-inspired behavior. Her father feeds his own Z-list fame selling out his daughter's failures, her mother makes excuses to the media for Lindsay's actions in hopes of getting a gig with Oprah and Girl Scouts just discontinued her favorite bingeing food, Thank You Berry Much cookies; it's no wonder she drinks. With a home life like that, I would be begging to be locked up too. Not everyone from Disney has a Cinderella ending, so listen up Selena Gomez!

Although, it now seems Lindsay Lohan may never win Oscar gold, don't feel like her work in Herbie Fully Loaded has been snubbed just yet, Linds already snuck and took a statue home with her a few years ago after a party in Meryl Steep's house.

Don't be fooled by the rocks that she's got; she's still Lindsay from the block - Cell Block C!

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