Where's The Beef?

Where’s The Beef?
By Chloe Dinnerrolly (July 15, 2011)

Some men are willing to admit to stuffing their pants with various objects from socks to a roll of quarters, in an effort to zoom in on their junk-in-the-front. Yet a man in South Carolina has taken the crotch padding practice a bit too far, by getting himself arrested at an Ingles grocery store last weekend for stealing various meat packages hidden inside his Scooby Doo briefs.

The seemingly well endowed shoplifter, Terry Campbell, went to the store on Saturday to pick up a few things for a backyard barbeque and was spotted shoving hot dogs, hamburger patties, and 2 large beach balls into his jeans by the grocery store manager. Campbell was chased out into the parking lot, and boldly going where no man or woman has gone before, the supermarket manager reached inside the beef thief’s pants and unveiled several Oscar Mayer products tangled in a jungle of pubes.

Attempting to flee the scene, Campbell’s “Wash Me!” written car failed to start. Putting the gear in neutral, he then proceeded to roll out like Fred Flintstone, yelling “Yabba dabba doo, bitches!”, almost running over another Ingles employee in the process. However after getting run down by police and a little old lady with a shopping cart, the ham burglar was eventually stopped.

Though before getting flipped and grilled by his new cell mate in the slammer, Campbell was first taken to the hospital. Suffering from chest pains due to high cholesterol from red meat, the doctor advised him that maybe next time he should rob the produce section if he wants to stay in good health.
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