No Me Ames: JLo And MAnt SplitBy Chloe Dinnerrolly (July 18, 2011)
Ay yay yay, after seven years of a muy cliente marriage Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony are getting divorced. Seems the celebrity couple’s Puerto Rican pride with gringo glamour, and the many naughty nights with the wife’s big ‘ol booty wasn’t enough to make the Hollywood love last.
The devastating news comes as a shock to most, leaving chongas all over with Sharpie-drawn eyebrows running down their face in tears, while Jen’s ex, Chris Judd, is all smiles, throwing fists and hollering, “Boo-yah! Ladies love the Snug-A-Judd They all keep crawling back for more!”
With a successful career in music, movies, fashion and sitting next to the decaying Steven Tyler as an American Idol judge, critiquing young singers as they belt out Billy Ray Cyrus tunes, JLo seemed to have it all. But don’t be fooled by the rocks that she’s got. The former Fly Girl is now another single mother statistic struggling to make ends meet; working 5 jobs, collecting child support and living in a Beverly Hills mansion filled with nannies, maids and a professional Elmo impersonator for the kids.
The salsa king and queen will soon be seen walking down the red carpet, dressed in designer duds, and posing for the paparazzi on the way to court. Although, we have yet to know who gets what of the couple’s million dollar fortune, Marc’s divorce lawyer will be using J.Lo’s hit , “My Love Don’t Cost A Thing” as a defense.
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