Milk: Does the Menstrual Cycle Good

Milk: Does the Menstrual Cycle Good
By Chloe Dinnerrolly (July 25, 2011)

After a week’s run, a milk ad campaign featuring frantic men stocking up on milk cartons for their lady loves who are entertaining for Aunt Flow’s monthly visit has been pulled due to high criticism for being offensive, sexist, and insensitive to those who suffer from lactose intolerance.

Forget Midol. Showcasing a study that milk helps reduce PMS symptoms, the California Milk Processor Board released a commercial targeting the real victims of the bloody curse: men. Every 28 days, guys endure a sex-less week of torture resulting from their girl’s crazy demands of countless Hershey bars, whining over being too bloated to fit into her favorite Jordache jeans, and starting a shouting match every time “that skinny bitch”, Kelly Rippa is on TV.

Under the slogan, “Jugs For Jugs”, milk sympathizes and offers a calciyum solution, advising dudes to always keep cups of moo moo juice handy in case of emergency. However, results can be risky. Several women riding the crimson wave have ended up throwing the drink in their man’s face, yelling, “I don’t want no glass of milk, stupid ass! Now where’s my heating pad, so we can hop in bed and get it on?”

While most men can relate and chuckle when watching the milk commercials, women see otherwise; viewing the advertisements as offensive to the gender for their fuming mad antics during their time of the month. Ridiculed and insulted, cows working on dairy farms nationwide are boycotting their jobs, grasping their utters and proclaiming, “No means no! Enjoy osteoporosis, suckas!”

Luckily, the ad campaign was pulled before the news spread, offending other females; human, cow or (wo)manatee. Now ladies on their period can return to piling up their shopping carts with tampons, maxi pads and tons of chocolate…milk.