Boozing Juvies Go Goo Goo

Boozing Juvies Go Goo Goo
By Chloe Dinnerrolly (April 14, 2011)

A waitress in a Detroit Applebee’s is about to lose her job and face a hefty fine for serving a minor alcohol without properly checking for ID first. Looking past the customer’s high-chair, binky, and “iPood” bib, the server poured a (non-virgin) margarita into the sippy cup of a 15 month old baby.

The parents of the toddler were unaware of their son’s underage drinking at the family friendly turned pub for tots restaurant till the child began acting strangely, making passes at fat chicks, stripping down to his diaper, and ultimately passing out in front of his untouched plate of Macaroni & Cheese, to later wake up with “BALLS” written on his forehead.

Concerned about her child’s erratic behavior, the mother took her youngin’ to the hospital where it was found the amateur-alkie had a .10 blood alcohol rating. Luckily the doctors caught this before the tyke got behind the wheel, putting grasshoppers and squirrels on the road in danger, and eventually getting charged with a TUI: Tricycling Under The Influence.

Turns out earlier that evening, when the Applebee’s waitress took the boy’s drink order, “apple juice” was misraken for “happy juice” and an alcoholic beverage was served to the little one instead. An awful slip-up or a helpful fix? We all know the pressures on babies these days, from the stresses of potty training to the hassles of the alphabet to The Wiggles tour not stopping at your town, sometimes you need a little something to take the edge off.

Although the Patron Prince was nowhere near 21, take it from R.Kelly, age ain’t nothing but a number. This is America. Children elsewhere all over the globe are breaking their back working in sweatshops, factories, and Cambodia Cinnabons. Not allowing a kid from the good ol’ USA to have a beer after a tough day of counting to ten, finger painting, and watching Sesame Street is just preposterous. Why must these ridiculous drinking laws crush the American Dream?

We salute you Applebee’s: Where A Kid Can Be A Drunk