Touchdown Dolphins!

Touchdown Dolphins!
By Chloe Dinnerrolly (March 14, 2011)

The Miami Dolphins have been a joke of the NFL for years and no one’s more upset than the actual dolphins of South Florida for the bad name the team has given them. The dolphins have had enough of the negative reputation Ricky Williams and Brandon Marshall give and are striking back.

On Sunday afternoon a boat tour cruised around Marco River, while underwater a dolphin pod overheard a group of people talking about football. A woman proclaimed, “Yeah, the dolphins suck!” Fuming with anger, one dolphin jumped onto the boat and fiercely tackled the woman. With his voice in high-pitched evil laughter he shouted, “Don’t you be talking about dolphins like that, beyotch! We’ll cut you! We’ll cut you!”

It took officers from the Isles of Capri Fire Department, the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission and the Collier County Sheriff's Office to get the sea beast back into the water. The injured woman remains unidentified but suffers from a sprained ankle, and will forever be known as “That Lady Who Got Pwned By A Dolphin”

Don’t let the losers on Monday Night Football in teal and orange fool you, dolphins can be tough. Why should sharks get all the credit as the bad boys of the ocean? An adult dolphin weighs 600 pounds and can smack you around with its brutal tail, leaving you bloody with broken bones.. Each player of the Miami Dolphins wears up to 15 pounds in gear; a real Dolphins wear none. A helmet, pads and a cup aren’t needed. Dolphins have been trying to lose their goody-good image for years. The dingo didn’t eat your baby Meryl, the dolphin did.

Unfortunately, dolphins have always had The Brady Bunch stereotype, like Flipper, or the lucky bottlenosed-dudes of Sea World, living the luxurious life, constantly getting their picture snapped, living in crisp clean tanks and eating all the fresh fish they want. All the while the wild ones get no respect. Dolphins are tired of being the laughing stock of the animal kingdom because of Miami.

It’s time for a change. Take this as a warning.


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