Thursday, March 10, 2011

Polygamy TV

Polygamy TV
By Chloe Dinnerrolly (March 10, 2011)

Like Tommy Lee discovering a crabs colony inside his shorts every week, they’re baaack! A family that easily puts the Kardashians arguing over who had the last jelly donut to shame, Sister Wives has returned for a second season on TLC starting this Sunday.

Yes, the reality-show documenting a polygamist relationship(s) revolving around one man with 4 wives and 13 children is again out to prove that sharing is caring, or as Charlie Sheen calls it, “Winning”.

Sister Wives’ Brown family is of the Mormon faith living in Lehi, Utah, far from the hustle and bustle of crazy monogamous city life. As the Spice Girls once said, “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends” and in Mormon translation “friends” means “wives”. Two-timing, three-timing, four-timing, or more, is a religious practice such as going to church, prayer, and shoplifting the pootie for Jesus. In the eyes of God, marriage is all about love, commitment and nightly video-taped threesomes.

Just as it is seen and taught on the show, whether you have a face for Vogue or Fug Weekly, polygamy doesn’t discriminate. No matter what your reflection shows or the things people at Wal-Mart’s check-out say, every chap holds equal rights to the glory of PlayersVille. With 18 people crammed inside the Brown home, it certainly is a full house. Yet, mac daddy, Kody Brown looks nothing like Full House star and heartthrob, John Stamos, and instead resembles the chubby goofy other dude, Uncle Joey, who traded in his mullet for layers and 4 sets of boobies.

If you’re worried about the kids of Sister Wives, don’t be. There are 13 of them, so they’ll never get lonely. It’s not like they’re starved for their father and biological mother’s attention. Daddy cannot be bothered; he has new tail to chase and mommy already has enough on her plate bringing up 6 children that aren’t hers.

Let’s get real. A marriage between a man and one woman never works out, just look at mom and dad, Jon and Kate Gosselin, or the tragic split of Hulk and Linda Hogan. A smart man needs his back-ups; collecting insurance at the chapel is a brilliant Idea, right next to the invention of the ShamWow.

Single ladies! How many times have you been left disappointed after meeting Mr. Perfect at the 7-Elevan Slurpee station, only to spot a wedding band on his finger while holding up his Big Gulp? Total bummer. Luckily, Kody Brown and plenty of other married men in Utah are signed onto Match.com and looking for (another) special someone since silly things like fidelity never matters in a relationship. You’ll be living every little girl’s dream as “Wife #5”, cooking 20 servings of pot roast, raising an army of children and cleaning toilets in no time.

TLC stands for “The Learning Channel”, so learn something.

Humor Top Blogs

No comments:

Post a Comment