Living In Luxury: Doing It Doggy Style

Living In Luxury: Doing It Doggy Style
By Chloe Dinnerrollu (Marcn 20, 2011)

It’s a dog’s life, and for Mariah Carey’s JJ, Dolomite, Jackie, and Cha-Cha, it’s a fabulous one. The pop superstar may be known for her angelic singing voice, but she is famous for her prima-donna antics. Diva Supreme Mariah demands a throne to sit on during album signings, her own custom toilet paper when traveling, and hired an assistant just to hold her drinks. Why should her pups be treated any different?

Yes, it’s The Real House Dogs of Beverly Hills. These prized pooches enjoy their daily manicures, massages and rawhide-aroma bubble baths and cruising around in limos or their own private jet to be with mommy wherever she may be. These high-class canines play fetch with diamond encrusted tennis balls, sleep on king sized beds topped with Egyptian-cotton sheets, and are surrounded by an entourage that caters their every need including a personal doggy-treat chef, 3 butt-scratchers and 2 well-paid legs to hump.

Now with Mariah 8 months pregnant with twins, the chart topper worries her Fab Four doggies may become jealous and resentful with the babies’ soon arrival. Realizing this serious business needs to be handled by someone certified in dealing with these issues, Mariah did what any responsible pet owner would do; send her dogs to therapy.

At their first meeting, therapist to the pet stars, Dr. Pawthorne -who regularly sees Tinkerbell Hilton and Sophie Cyrus- asked JJ, Dolomite, Jackie, and Cha-Cha to vent their concerns and frustrations towards the upcoming babies. The four swiftly replied, “Ruff!”, then went back to sniffing their assistant’s crotch. At the end of the appointment, the dogs were asked to use a new daily mantra and repeat, “A baby’s head is not a chew toy” everyday as homework.

However, during the second session with the Careys, Dr. Pawthorne found out the expected twins weren’t the real reason these dogs were in therapy. As Cha-Cha confessed after being bribed with Beggin’ Strips, the four accidentally caught the movie, Glitter while on a flight to London and have been distraught ever since. “It’s just so hard to see your master, someone you hold in such high regard, perform so poorly” said Cha-Cha with a sorrow howl.

Though there’s still hope for the four-legged royals. Just like audiences around the globe have, with work, the pups can overcome this traumatic experience and return to their lavish lifestyle in peace. Livin’ it better than you, me, and Bo Obama pooping on the White House lawn.