It's a Nice Day For a Wentz Wedding

It's a Nice Day for a Wentz Wedding
By Chloe Dinnerrolly (May 18, 2008)

Like rushing to the toilet after a Taco Bell dinner, Ashlee Simpson has charged down the altar, dragging fiancée, Pete Wentz, by the back of his ugly gray hoodie, with her. Directly following in the strappy heels of her older sister Jessica, Ashlee has not only starred in her own reality show and dished out a couple of crummy albums, but has just gotten married to a boy band member, as well- a just as queer, Fall Out Boy band member, that is.

Although both Simpson sisters each have some celebrity interest, a Youth Minister turned money-hungry-exploiting- manager of a father and 2 big boobs, Ashlee now hides a small bundle under her LAMB shirt, that Jessica has never had the opportunity of smuggling. For the first time, the 23 year-old younger sibling has beaten her big sis to the punch, in the baby bump race!

(Poor Jessica didn't even know they were running. It's not like she had a chance at winning lately, especially now since her Dallas Cowboys boyfriend, Tony Romo, has just said "No mo'!")

Quite possibly the smartest career move Simpson has made since dancing the jig after her SNL lip-synching mishap, there is no greater promotional tool than getting knocked up. Oh how the public loves to watch celebrities put on the pounds. We can't help to read the tabloids and eat up those ballooning-figure pics for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

A Hollywood pregnancy guarantees at least 12 full months of press coverage, from Whoa! She's About to Unload to Baby's First Magazine Cover. Throw in a shotgun wedding and things will throw Ryan Seacrest into seizure. Any publicity can only help Simpson's new album that has already crashed and burned, after less than a month of its release. The little growing surprise fetus couldn't have arrived at a better time. Motherhood may give Simpson's breasts a little sag, but it's sure to give her career a little boost.

The emergency nuptials between Simpson and Wentz came after only a few weeks of their engagement. A baby born out of wed-lock; that is so punk rock. But this couple is so not, punk rock. Wedding attire was most likely bought from Hot Topic stores, with the groomsmen in argyle sweater vests under black blazers with cartoon skull crests on the breast pocket. While the bridesmaids wore polka-dotted dresses over neon tights with plastic pearls and plenty of colorful rubber bracelets.

As the spunky twosome exchanged vows, it appeared as a moment stolen from the movie Beetlejuice.

Of course later, at the dinner reception, Maid-Of-Honor Jessica, looked up from her plate confused and asked a nearby guest "Is this chicken what I have or is this fish?"

To which he looked at her and answered, "That's a cheeseburger."