A Heroic Hound

A Heroic Hound
By Chloe Dinnerrolly (March 30, 2012)

Last Saturday in West Yorkshire, England, a basset hound named George, was simply carrying out his daily routine; blasting Guns and Roses on the stereo and trashing the house into a war zone of chewed up shoes, pee puddles, and a floor mural of spilled Froot Loops, when he got himself into a dangerous predicament. In the mix of all his doggie fun, the hound got himself tangled in the telephone cord and began to choke.

George’s life flashed before his droopy eyes. Images flickered of playing tackle football with his siblings as a puppy, snatching BLT’s from his owner plate, and the neighbor’s poodle, Sugarplum and her fine smelling booty. All dogs go to Heaven, but George refused to step into the light. At 2 years-old, there were plenty of ducks left to hunt and legs to hump. There was no stopping this party animal.

Better known for their big ears and not their smarts, basset hounds have been getting a bad rap since the ‘50s when Elvis bashed the breed in his hit song, “Hound Dog”. It’s 2012 and time for a change. Twisted in telephone wire, George dialed 999 for emergency rescue. Luckily the basset had used the phone before to order pizzas while throwing house parties whenever the folks were out. His bad boy ways had paid off. After the operator heard the hound gasping for air on the other line, police rushed to George’s door, stormed inside, and ripped out the cord strangling him.

George had saved his own life without the need of Lassie’s pansy help tips. The bad ass basset continues his walk on the wild side with an appetite for destruction here on Earth. The dog has a reputation to keep! The heroic hound hopes his newfound stardom will draw in the ladies, unite him with his biological father, whom he never met, and influence humans to go wireless. Look out for his new reality show, “Slobber Like A Rock Star” on Animal Planet this summer.


CLICK HERE to follow Talk About Pop with Chloe Dinnerrolly on Facebook.


Source

In Jesus Name He Sprays

In Jesus Name He Sprays
By Chloe Dinnerrolly (March 16, 2012)

Following the 11th Commandment of the original lost list of 15, “Thou shall always smell good”, the Pope is having a sacred scent made just for him. With the help of perfume designer, Silvana Casoli, Benny’s Body Splash is in the works and said to be a mix of hints of lime tree, verbena, and a touch of Holy Water.

Once the fragrance is complete, Pope Benedict will begin his new spiritual ritual after his morning prayers and Body of Christ omelette. Kneeling in front of his “Hang In There” poster of a crucified Jesus, The Pope will take his Benny’s Body Splash bottle and make the sign of the cross with a squirt on the forehead, chest, and shoulder to shoulder. Cleanliness is godliness; The Pope needs this cologne for his holy image.

The nose of God is always sniffing. There’s a reason the Church always has candles and incense lit. At 84, Pope Benedict can’t hide the old people smell that reeks on his robes anymore. It’s Catholic law, stinking is a sin. Bad BO will send you straight to hell. Heaven does not want you leaving stank on its Febreze scented clouds and Pine Sol cleaned floors.

This all comes just in time for Vatican fashion week starting on Easter Sunday in April. The Big Poppa fashion line is set to hit the runway with nuns decked out in silk robes, extravagant hats, and blinged out crucifix jewelry. Doing good never looked so good. In the Church’s fight against evil, the Big Poppa collection is sure to run JLo out of business. Hallelujah!

Whether he’s taking confessions from the Jersey Shore cast, teaching exorcism how-to classes or meeting Bono for coffee, with Benny’s Body Spray, The Pope is covered. So take a big whiff. Amen.


CLICK HERE to follow Talk About Pop with Chloe Dinnerolly on Facebook


Source

LeBron Slam Dunks Donuts In China

LeBron Slam Dunks Donuts In China
By Chloe Dinnerrolly (March 8, 2012)

Taking advice from the fortune cookie message that read, “Wise is the man who dribbles in courts of glaze”, NBA superstar, LeBron James has signed on to be China’s newest spokesperson for Dunkin’ Donuts. Finally scoring a Championship Ring made up of fried dough and rainbow sprinkles, the basketball MVP is set for his journey to the faraway land with gallons of Gatorade and Air Bud on DVD.

However, to fit with local tastes, Dunkin Donuts in China will offer a new item to its menu of yummy goodies: the pork donut. A savory sweet, not even donut enthusiast, Homer Simpson would feast on, LeBron is not afraid to take on the challenge. After defeating The Bulls in last season’s Playoffs, eating a pork donut or two isn’t that difficult, even without a home court advantage.

America runs on Dunkins’, but with James’s help, not for long. Within the next year, TV commercials in China will feature the basketball star waking up at dawn, trading in his iconic sweatband for a paper hat, and uttering, “Time to make the donuts” in Cantonese. Photo ads plastered all over Shanghai will have a smiling LeBron, holding up a Dunkin’ Donuts cup beneath the slogan, “When playing for the Heat, sometimes you need a Coolatta”. Also, the athlete will make store appearances handing out autographed boxes of donuts to fans.

Unlike Americans, the Chinese do not suffer from Linsanity, yet 75% of the country is clinically James Insane. With a black belt in awesome, the newfound King Kandy is making the people of China dump their dumplings for a dozen Chocolate Kremes as fast as you can say, “Lin Who?"

Helping make obesity a worldwide epidemic, James sets sail across the globe to promote junk food’s finest treats, collect his million dollar check, and hook up with plenty of Asian babes before getting hitched to fiancé, Savannah Brinson back home. Miami Heat fans also need not worry. LeBron’s voyage is not set till the end of this season. An NBA Championship is still within grasp, as well as that half eaten jelly donut in your left hand. It’s a win-win for all.

CLICK HERE to follow Talk About Pop with Chloe Dinnerrolly on Facebook.


Source

That's Not Jack

That’s Not Jack
By Chloe Dinnerrolly (March 2, 2012)

There’s a reason Jack Nicholson was a no show at the Oscars last week and it has nothing to do with the morning’s colonoscopy leaving him with extreme butt hurt. The A-list actor has been up to no good in Brazil; hillbilly hand fishing in the Amazon, hiring half dressed women to his hotel room for a personal Carnival, and opening up fake bank accounts under the name Joao Pedro dos Santos that ultimately got him arrested on Tuesday.

Seems the actor has gone fully method studying for a role as a psychotic mobster in Martin Scorsese’s newest film, “Goodfellas 2: Oldfellas”. If Nicholson ever encountered a problem during a bank transaction, Jack would threaten the bank clerk with an axe, chop up the desk in front of him and shout, “Heeere’s Joao!” The 74 year-old has flown completely over the coo coo’s nest, or at least that’s what it looks like…

Oops! Jack Nicholson is the latest celebrity to fall victim to identity theft, next to Carrot Top’s Twitter getting hacked, and a woman in a bloody butcher’s apron posing as Lady Gaga to get a free bucket of chicken at KFC. Brazilian con artist, Ricardo Sergio Freire de Barros has been hitting up banks throughout the country, opening accounts and collecting millions with a photo of Jack Nicholson on his ID. The identity was easy to score for the criminal mastermind, who used the snapshot of the famous actor from an old Entertainment Weekly cover. Luckily, Freire de Barros is a subscriber.

Some may call the criminal’s act dumb. The police say there is no resemblance between the suspect and the actor. However, the sly bandit had been getting away with identity theft for months. Bank tellers did not spot the difference or report anything wrong, since paying attention to ID photos is such a waste of time. Freire de Barros was able to walk away with a lot of free money, a Ferrari, and a great deal on a spray tan in Rio’s finest salon. Unfortunately though, all good things must come to an end and the crazy crook had to trade in his Rolex for handcuffs, his beach house for a jail cell and a Kohler’s Smart Toilet for a dirty urinal.

As far as for the real Jack Nicholson, the award winning actor continues living the dream, smoking cigars and watching the sunset on his million dollar yacht. With a fabulous life like that, you can’t blame a guy for wanting to be him.

Source


CLICK HERE to like and follow Talk About Pop with Chloe Dinnerrolly on Facebook