Thursday, April 5, 2012

Yippee! Titanic 3D!

Yippee! Titanic 3D!
By Chloe Dinnerrolly (April 5, 2012)

Quick! Grab a snorkel and your Sponge Bob swimming floaties, Titanic 3D is crashing into theatres this Friday! The 1997 blockbuster starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Winslet, and an accident prone boat, is setting sail all over again. This time, with nifty plastic 3D glasses that’ll help you enjoy the epic film like never before on the big screen.

See the love story between Rose, a slutty rich girl who cheats on her fiancĂ©, and Jack, a helpless drifter with a face for GQ, blossom into tragedy as passengers aboard the Titanic ship. Watch Kate Winslet pose topless for her artist honey and get ready to motorboat as her jumbo boobs jump off the screen and into your face in 3D. The titties are so lifelike you can almost squeeze ‘em. With a PG-13 rating, 12 year old boys will beg their moms to take them to the movies.

Capture all the thrills and chills in the ultimate Titanic experience. To better achieve the North Atlantic Ocean feel you wouldn’t get on DVD, audience members will be sprayed with cold water and theatre temperatures will drop to 10 degrees when the ship begins sinking. With Titanic 3D, catch your favorite flick and pneumonia all in your $10 ticket!

It’s been 15 years since Titanic’s release and the 100 anniversary since the original Titanic sunk. We all know the story and it’s no surprise when the ship crashes into a giant iceberg and leaves a huge dent on a polar bear family’s vacation ice house. However, this will not stop audience members from shouting at the screen in hopes of warning the ill-fated travelers, “Lookout! Iceberg ahead! Run bitch, run! Stop playing that damn violin and get in a life boat! They won’t come back for you! You’re gonna die!”

Unfortunately not everyone from Titanic’s cast was at the 3D red carpet premiere last week. Leo has nothing but bad things to say about the film that made him a Hollywood heartthrob and sadly for the old lady who played old Rose, her heart now goes on six feet underground. Yet, there’s no stopping James Cameron from rereleasing his grand 2 hour plus film and all its Bill-Paxton-with-an-earring glory to the masses. Never let go!


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2 comments:

  1. The release of this movie upsets me. It's bad enough that I have to watch the ship sink and all the poor people die, but now I have to do it in 3D--with one eye, because Rose's 3D boob poked out the other.

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