Monday, April 23, 2012

Starbucks Stops Bugging Around

Starbucks Stops Bugging Around
By Chloe Dinnerrolly (April 23, 2012)

Starbucks has taken their love for the classic flick, Beetle Juice, a little too literal by using crushed cochineal beetles as a dye in their drinks and treats. The secret ingredient was recently revealed and after an online petition signed by 6,500 people and The Orkin Man, the pool party of floating bugs inside Starbucks cups is over.

PETA argues the use of cochineal insects puts the “die” in “dye”, but they don’t know what they started.

It’s not the caffeine in your grande frappuccino you’re addicted to, it’s the bugs. With Starbucks’ bug banish underway, people will be left chewing on house flies to get their daily fix. This is a My Strange Addiction for the masses (Sam drinks 30 bugs a day; that’s over 200 bugs a week) and an Intervention sure to bring in the viewers (Aaron started eating bugs at 13. He has been addicted to bugs for 15 years.) It’s food coloring with wings that gives you wings. Not Red Bull, silly.

Starbucks sales will plummet as Americans begin collecting ant farms to sprinkle on their homemade coffee to achieve the genuine Starbucks taste. There’s no need to wait in line and pay $5 for a cup o’ joe when everything you need is right at home. Toss the bug repellent and be your own barista.

Insects beware! That flower pot on the ledge of a kitchen window is a trap and a certified no fly zone! The annual Ugly Bug Ball is next Saturday. The Backstreet Bugs will be there this year and you can’t miss it because your uncle got eaten.

Thanks a lot, PETA.


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