Easy, Breezy, Beautiful Ellen DeGeneres?

Easy, Breezy, Beautiful Ellen DeGeneres?
By Chloe Dinnerrolly (Sept. 19, 2008)

The theory that a lesbian's idea of being fashion forward comes in denim shirts with cut off sleeves, Simon Cowell haircuts, and Berkenstocks is just an old civil-unioned wives tale. No matter how many power drills fill up their garage, lesbians are women too and are just as expected to spend a hefty penny on compacts, nail glue and thong panty-liners like all the straight girls, regardless of the tool belts they swing.

Breaking down the saw dust over Cosmo's Musts sterotype with a goofy dance -and a just as goofy smile- Ellen DeGeneres has become the newest spokesmodel for CoverGirl cosmetics. Dressed in a blazer, New Balance tennis shoes and a shiny new wedding ring, she bumps the closed-closeted big bad mama jamma, Queen Latifah out of her previous position.

Not one you'd expect to pose in front of a camera, DeGeneres is definitely one of those, "Listen El, you got a great personality, but--" types. Her close-up beauty shots may be blurry and out of focus, but her nice funny gal persona and loaded bank account are as clear as day. With no modeling experiance whatsoever, the mop-top scored a million dollar deal, as Tyra Banks spends months training aspiring models, making them strut in an infested shark tank in meat-covered underwear in order to land a job with CoverGirl; when all it really takes is a distinctive nose and a harmless PG-Rated Brangelina joke.

CoverGirl now embraces their newest motto: It's What's On The Inside That Counts But You Can Really Use Some Concealer.

With DeGeneres as the fresh pony face for the cosmetic line, the move is sure to lasso in a much needed clientelle. Women who never bothered with makeup, hairspray, or a penis are now cramming CVS aisles after getting word from the Godmother. Tearing up the Living Lez Guidebook, chicks who once wore their scars like a badge of honor ("I got this one on my cheek after my girl broke my glasses. She was sitting on my face when it happened") are now required to pick up CG's new liquid foundation and blend, blend blend.

Equality for all.

Why should drag queens and trannies have all the fun putting on a fabulous face for their Cher tribute show and why should heteosexual women be the only ones to get into fender benders attempting to put on mascara while driving on the freeway?

Putting their famined staff to work, CoverGirl is expanding to a very large and left-out demographic, and there's no better spokesmodel to reach out to their target audience than Ellen DeGeneres -- unless, this unravels into another Anne Heche blunder.

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