You. It's What's For Dinner

You. It’s What’s For Dinner.
By Chloe Dinnerrolly (June 21, 2008)

The food crisis around the world is amongst us and in full swing- sadly, without one chicken wing. People in third-world countries are gathering around a trashcan for snacks and eating rotten-cabbage-sewage-soup for dinner, and for some in Czech Republic, the epidemic has resulted into serving up a hot plate of one’s own children, with a hint of garlic.

Kalra Mauerova, a mother of two, has been arrested and charged with playing with her food, after chowing down on pieces of both her sons. However, she wasn’t stingy. As head of the household, she was thoughtful to make enough sauteed pinky toes for the rest of the family as well.

The New Age Hansel and Gretel, Ondrej and Jakub Mauerova, ages 8 and 10, were kept alive, between mother’s hearty meals, shackled up in cages like other forms of poultry, or Amy Winehouse on a rough day in between crack binges.

The general public would consider this a form of bad parenting. Cannibalism is never once mentioned in Dr. Spock’s Best Finger Food For Kids. Yet, the act is not completely irrational. Not everybody can afford culinary school. We’re not all Rachel Ray with the flattest chest on TV. Many people are left to make use of the resources around them to satisfy their appetite. There’s no sell-by date on humans. Raw flesh is always fresh.

Don’t hate until you’ve eaten a piece of Ethan, okay? People are so reluctant to order something new off the menu. A few are adventurous enough to enjoy crispy frog legs, fried earthworms, and chewy cow tongue, but taking a bite out of your child’s forearm is considered crossing the line? What’s so wrong with expanding one’s palette? I’m sure Anthony Bourdain is no stranger to the taste of an 8oz. grilled bicep.

With all the blood involved in such raw meat, they better be using napkins! Cannibal or no cannibal, there’s still something called manners.

As a result to her offspring buffet, the all-you-can-eat mother has had her children taken away, but I doubt she’ll starve. In case Mauerova ever gets hungry, pregnancy is all that’s necessary. Fruit of the womb; a baby is basically the purest form of produce.

But it seems silly to have the timer set to 9 months for a good meal, when there’s an Arby’s drive-thru just around the corner. At the same time, roast beef doesn’t compare to roast feet.


Source
-Hey Mom, what’s for dinner?
-Look in the mirror, sweetie!